I was about to go to bed. Then I read this excerpt from Kitty Kelly's new Oprah biography, quoted from an interview with Oprah's aunt/cousin/sellout-family-member, Katharine Carr:

"Now, you have to understand that I love Oprah, and I love all the good work she does for others, but I do not understand the lies that she tells. She's been doing it for years now.

Where Oprah got that nonsense about growing up in filth and roaches, I have no idea. (Oprah's grandmother) kept a spotless house…It was a wooden, six-room house with a large living room that had a fireplace and rocking chair.

Oh, I've talked to her about this over the years. I've confronted her and asked 'Why do you tell such lies?' Oprah told me, 'That's what people want to hear. The truth is boring, Aunt Katharine. People don't want to be bored. They want stories with drama.

That story [of sexual abuse] helped launch Oprah and make her what she is today…I don't hold with telling lies, but in this case I forgive Oprah because she has done so much for other people. Maybe this was the only way for a poor child to succeed and become rich. Now she does her good works to make her amends.

Oprah does not love her mother at all…She gives her a great deal financially but she does not give her the respect and affection a daughter should, and that bothers me. Vernita did the best she could with Oprah, who was a willful, runaway child."

I do not care who you are, you do NOT speak ill against Oprah! She taught me how to pluck my eyebrows properly (a valuable lesson as an awkward teen who messed it up...a lot...because we didn't have beauty blogs on the internets to teach us back then!). Even if she did lie, keep your trap SHUT. This woman makes a real difference; she can pick the president, imagine what she can do to people who piss her off...

-- Post From My iPhone

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(Like how I self edited there? Yeah, you totally get that I meant shit, but shite is more dignified...or something...screw it, I just realized I hadn't blogged in ALMOST a year. A FRIGGIN YEAR)

New things:
- Matt's dog still wants me dead (I'm sure of it)
- Today I was introduced to my new favorite word: Redicunt (definition: its so ridiculous, its cunty too...)
- My husband trolls craigslist for wood...(firewood, you gutter minded a-holes)
- I actually suggested that Matt create a personal ad on craigslist - man seeking wood, must be flammable and can fit in my Escape
- Also, tonight I learned the difference between a mosquito and a mosquito hawk through Matt's interpretive dance...I cant make this shit up
- I got entirely too upset with Turbo Tax today...like, Gary Busey level upset. I threatened to pull its endocrine system out.

There's more, but that should suffice for one posting, you information-seeking hounds!

I shall leave you with two things: a) a conversation between Matt and I tonight; and b) THE BEST AUDITION FOR A PORN EVER

Conversation:
Me: Hey, wanna have sex on the couch?
(Matt walks away all happy with a hop in his step, turns around and sprints back to me)
Matt: Um...when you say 'sex on the couch', do you mean NOW or later? Because I need to
know when to take off my shoes...
(I then laugh so hard its impossible to even consider it now)

Porn Singing Auditions:

I'm not sure if I should be impressed or deeply saddened by how many people don't know the words. Oh, and you, Mr. Creepy-wanna-be-Chris-Farley, I'm definitely into you. I seriously am pre-ordering this from Amazon...or Pornazon, whoever gets it first.

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