So Matt and I started cleaning out our spare room this weekend, as a preparation for it to become our new nursery.

...oh yeah...I'm pregnant. Forgot to mention that on this blog...so...now you know.
Also? I'll be 14 weeks this Wednesday.
Pregnancy sucks in the best way possible - the nausea, sore back, incredible dementia-level forgetfulness, cravings, boobs that hurt like they just finished a boxing match, learning about baby needs/gear/etc-its for the best, because this little person will be joining us in a few months and we'll be taking on this incredible journey together as a family.

Back to the nursery. So we're moving all of these boxes out and going through them, sorting if it's keep/toss/giveaway worthy. As we're doing that, Matt finds a huge stack of papers from his college days-including tests. Turns out, my husband took a course on plays and got a little snarky on his Finals extra credit questions...why? Because he was clueless (yes, I realize how ironic this is, that he'd end up marrying me-a theater freak). The answers were so clever, they must be shared.

My husband's brilliant comedic skills began early on:
I know this is hard to read, so here's the translation-
1. Where did George Cram Cook die?
- In Bancroft Hall, of excessive finals. (Editor's Note: Bancroft Hall was one of the halls of his college)

2. What could not be bought, "not even for ready money"?
- Virginity

3. What caused the Globe Theater to burn down?
- The Puritan reformers, under Cromwell, burnt it down as a house of fornication.

Teacher's Comment (the green writing at the bottom of the photo):
"You just wanted an excuse to write 'virginity' and 'fornication' on a final, didn't you?"

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Obviously, all of these are wrong, but they were extra credit questions (even if they were so easy to answer...I mean, come on-Cromwell was dead well before the Globe burnt down!). But I applaud my husband for having the cojones to write something other than "I don't know"!

I hope our child inherits this awesomeness from their daddy. :)

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(Like how I self edited there? Yeah, you totally get that I meant shit, but shite is more dignified...or something...screw it, I just realized I hadn't blogged in ALMOST a year. A FRIGGIN YEAR)

New things:
- Matt's dog still wants me dead (I'm sure of it)
- Today I was introduced to my new favorite word: Redicunt (definition: its so ridiculous, its cunty too...)
- My husband trolls craigslist for wood...(firewood, you gutter minded a-holes)
- I actually suggested that Matt create a personal ad on craigslist - man seeking wood, must be flammable and can fit in my Escape
- Also, tonight I learned the difference between a mosquito and a mosquito hawk through Matt's interpretive dance...I cant make this shit up
- I got entirely too upset with Turbo Tax today...like, Gary Busey level upset. I threatened to pull its endocrine system out.

There's more, but that should suffice for one posting, you information-seeking hounds!

I shall leave you with two things: a) a conversation between Matt and I tonight; and b) THE BEST AUDITION FOR A PORN EVER

Conversation:
Me: Hey, wanna have sex on the couch?
(Matt walks away all happy with a hop in his step, turns around and sprints back to me)
Matt: Um...when you say 'sex on the couch', do you mean NOW or later? Because I need to
know when to take off my shoes...
(I then laugh so hard its impossible to even consider it now)

Porn Singing Auditions:

I'm not sure if I should be impressed or deeply saddened by how many people don't know the words. Oh, and you, Mr. Creepy-wanna-be-Chris-Farley, I'm definitely into you. I seriously am pre-ordering this from Amazon...or Pornazon, whoever gets it first.

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